Revelation and Awakening

revelation and awakening Q Andrew, can you speak about your own realization— how this occurred and what the journey was like? A When Iwas sixteen, 1had an experience of cosmic consciousness that occurred spontaneously. Completely un¬ sought, it emerged from the unknown. Iwas sitting up late one evening speaking with someone and suddenly, for no apparent reason, the doors of perception opened. In an instant, all boundaries disappeared and it literally seemed as if there were no walls, as if Iwasn’t sitting in aroom having aconversation, but Iwas sitting in the middle of infinite space. Icould see the walls and 1could see the room that I was in but, inwardly, my experience was that all boundaries were gone and Iwas actually existing in and as infinite space. It became clear to me at that moment that there is only one point in space and that, no matter where we may appear to be physically located at any time, we will always be in exactly the same place. 1saw in away that is difficult to put into words that all of life is One—that the whole universe and everything that exists within it, seen and unseen, known and unknown, is revelation and awakening 31 one conscious, glorious, intelligent Being that is self-aware. Its nature is Love but it is alove that is so overwhelming in its intensity that even to experience the faintest hint of it is almost unbearable for the human body. Isaw in that moment that there is no such thing as death, that life has no beginning and no end. Iwas awestruck and overwhelmed. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and yet Iwasn’t crying and, strangely, my throat was opening and closing by itself. 1was just sitting there but Ifelt like Iwas on my knees. Iwas in astate of won¬ der. And then something curious happened—I don’t exactly know how to explain it. There was amessage for me that said: “If you give your life to me and me alone, you’ll have nothing to fear.” And the iruplication was that if Ididn’t, then 1would suffer terribly. In what way did this experience change your life? Ihad no particular religious convictions at that point because Ihad been brought up an atheist, but Iwas obviously deeply impacted by this unexpected revelation. In those few moments, Ihad been in touch with something that was utterly real. Infinitely more real than anything Ihad ever experienced before. As amatter of fact, it seemed as if I had been dead my whole life, in contrast with the event that had just occurred. For that very brief period Iwas awake; Iwas truly alive for the first time. This fknew without any doubt. But after this happened Ididn’t know what to do about it. Ibegan to read alittle bit and 1had some sense that I’d had 32 living enlightenment aspiritual experience but Ididn’t know how to respond to what had been revealed to me. Iwas young and had intended to become amusician so that’s what 1pursued. But after several years, what had happened began to haunt me. The memory of that experience began to surface in my conscious¬ ness, and ffelt that 1was being called, that there was a demand to respond. Eventually, Imade adecision that 1was going to do just that. 1gave up the idea of becoming amusician and dedicated myself to finding my way back to what it was that had touched me so deeply. 1began to practice different spiritual disciplines. Like many others, 1was very influenced by Paramahansa Yogananda’s book Autobiography of aYogi, and so Itook initiation into Kriya yoga, the form of kunclalini yoga that he wrote so passionately about. As aresult of the Kriya yoga meditation, Ihad powerful experiences of tremendous energy, light, and bliss. My first guru was an fndian swami who was amaster of that system, and at the same time 1was also under the tutelage of an American martial arts teacher. When Igot involved with ateacher, 1was completely com¬ mitted and gave everything to what 1was doing. 1was living in New York at the time and went to hear many different teachers speak. 1was interested in every¬ thing—1 went to see aZen master, several different swamis, Tibetan lamas, aSufi sheikh, arabbi, and even Christian faith healers. Were there any particular teachers among those you saw who had abig influence on you? revelation and awakening 33 Yes. 1heard atalk in ayoga center on Long Island by Swaini Chidananda, President of the Divine Life Society and devoted disciple ol the legendary Swami Sivananda. In the talk, which was about what it means to live the spiritual life, he said, “When someone asks you what you do, you should say; ‘I MEDITATE! And... Ialso live.’” His outspoken and unequivocal declaration of the true priorities of aseeker had avery powerful impact on me. Also, in 1980, Iwent to see J. Krishnamurti teach in Saanen, Switzerland. At this point in my life, Isaw myself as being on the yogic path to liberation; Ithought that Iknew where Iwas going and how Iwas going to get there. Then I was told that there was aliving Buddha named Krishnamurti who was going to die soon and that Ishould go hear him. When Iarrived in Saanen, Iwent right to the tent where he was teaching—there were about two thousand people there— and Iremember being struck by how beautiful he looked. The talk he gave was something along the lines of: Is it possible that thought is the source of all evil? Ilistened to the talk very closely but Icould hardly understand anything that he said. At that time Ijust didn’t have the background or enough experience to be able to comprehend what he was talking about. So when¬ ever my mind wandered, Isimply kept bringing my attention back to the sound of his voice because Ihad made up my mind that Iwanted to pay attention to this man in any way that Icould. After the talk was over, 1went back to my hotel room and lay down. When Igot up, Inoticed that something was dif¬ ferent; something had changed. Suddenly, Irealized that I was no longer so sure where 1was going or how Iwas going 34 living enlightenment to get there. In an undeniable yet mysterious way, something very important had happened through listening to this great man speak. He had somehow given me the freedom to ques¬ tion in away that Inever had before. Iwas thrilled to experi¬ ence this unexpected space suddenly emerging within my mind. It’s not that Ifelt that Ihad been on the wrong path but now there was room for real inquiry, aspace within which to question that had not been there before. Did you pursue any other kinds of spiritual practice? Yes. At acertain point 1began to go to Buddhist meditation courses, mainly because in that retreat environment 1could meditate all day and night if 1wanted to, for weeks at atime. The profound peace and intense clarity that resulted from such pro¬ longed spiritual practice was very inspiring and the Buddha- dharma taught me alot about the mind and how it works. When Iwas twenty-seven, 1went to India. The minute I arrived, Iexperienced amuch greater freedom to give myself to my longing for liberation. Living in America, 1had always felt inhibited, in one way or another, because so few seemed to share or even understand the intensity of my passion. In India, Ifound the confidence to abandon myself completely to the desire to become aliberated human being. Ispent over two and ahalf years there, meditating and studying yoga. Ialso met my wife, who’s Indian. Iknow that you met your last teacher in India. How did that meeting take place? revelation and awakening 35 A f r i e n d t o l d m e t h a t t h e r e w a s a t e a c h e r s t i l l a l i v e w h o w a s adirect disciple of Ramana Maharshi. He said that this teacher’s name was H. W. L. Poonja, that he was ahouseholder and very much like the great teacher of Advaita Vedanta, Nisargadatta Maharaj, who had recently died. Poonjaji was completely unknown at the time Iwent to see him. Ihad no great expectations because at that point 1had been disillu¬ sioned in one way or another by all of my teachers. 1wanted to “be alight unto myself,” to be free of the burden of having to rely on anyone else. 1went to see Poonjaji for what Ithought would be only three days. When 1told him that Ihad no expectations, his response was, “That’s good!” Then the next day, 1asked him aquestion about making effort on the spiritual path and he replied: “You don’t have to make any effort to be free.” When he said that, something happened. For asplit second, it became apparent to me that Ihad never been unfree. Isaw it; 1knew it. But then it was gone. And he smiled because he knew what had happened. Afew days later, 1described to him, as 1had to all my teachers, the expe:rience of cosmic consciousness that had occurred when 1was sixteen. To my surprise, he said, “You knew everything then.” Apowerful confidence in what had already happened began to emerge within me. ft was miracu¬ lous. Something released and just let go. And Iknew that my seeking had come to an end. Over the next three weeks, there was an explosion inside me. Tremendous energy, experienced as overwhelm¬ ing bliss, was so intense at times that 1thought my body 36 living enlightenment wouldn’l be able to withstand it. Ifelt like Iwas going to explode into athousand pieces. Apowerful presence was slowly but surely consuming my entire being and 1was scared at times. Day by day Iwas literally being overtaken by this conscious energy. Then, early one morning in ahotel room in Delhi, 1sat up on my bed and heard the words come out of my mouth: “I surrender my life to You; do with me w h a t Yo u w i l l . ” After that Icouldn’t contain myself. When Iwent to meet with my friends, Iwould tell them about what had happened, about the glory of liberation here and now. And as Iwould speak to them, before my eyes they would be drawn into a state of meditation and would find themselves experiencing the same bliss that Iwas. They would feel with their own hearts and recognize with their own minds exactly what Iwas describing, as 1was describing it. It was as if 1was literally on fire and anybody who got too close to me started catching that same fire themselves. When 1went back to see Poonjaji, he said, “I knew this would happen—you’re the one I’ve been waiting for my whole life and now that I’ve met you Ican die.” It was like a spiritual fairy tale. He also made it clear that he wanted me to be independent, not to rely on him in any way, because he felt—at least this is what he said to me at the time—that his w o r k w a s o v e r. 1went north and stayed in Rishikesh, aholy pilgrimage town on the Ganges River, with old and new friends. We spent day and night immersed in the bliss of Self-discovery, in the ecstasy and intimacy of knowing that there’s only One revelation and awakening 37 Self. That’s when the teaching began. Soon 1was invited to England, and many people started gathering around me. That w a s i n 1 9 8 6 . 38 living enlightenment i * 1