Beyond the Witness

Nice to see you all. As we continue our adventure here into trying to understand the nature of enlightenment. So, I think a lot of you are familiar with this uh this term or this phrase. It says if we want to wake up, if you want to become more aware. You want to awaken to the enlightened awareness, you should become more of a witness to your experience than a participant. So, we're often encouraged often by Buddhist practitioners of the path to enlightenment to practice witnessing awareness, which is we're taught to be mindful of our experience. To be watching. We're watching what happens, just to stand up and watch. And not to blindly, mindlessly, unconsciously participate, but to stand back and pay attention to what we're doing. And as part of this process, we are encouraged to pay attention to the relationship between the experience of thought, of cognition and the actions we take. And the responses we make in the world of time and space. So, we're told to pay attention, to be mindful. And obviously the step toward the step towards practicing mindful awareness is a huge step for most of us because if we have never paid attention to what we're doing. What we're thinking, the relationship between what we're thinking and what we're doing. When we slow down and we stop and we begin to pay attention to what we're thinking and what we're doing, we we have wake up to whole inner world of the psychodynamics of being ourselves. And in doing this we we see we begin to wake up to how unconscious we are most of the time of unconscious of what we're doing. And as I've been saying the relationship between the mind, the process of cognition and our actions. So a big part of paying attention or witnessing our experience reveals to us how unconscious we are. And as you all already know a big part of becoming more conscious is the painful recognition of how unconscious we are most of the time. So this is a very important step to take. And it's usually very positive. Except the problem with this process of paying attention and witnessing our experience is powerful and is profound and is illuminating as it can as it is and can be, sooner or later we will probably we're probably going to come to the painful recognition that the part of us that is there is doing the witnessing, the part of us that's doing the paying attention is our unliberated ego. So if the witness is paying attention, if the ego's paying attention, it's better than if the ego doesn't pay attention, for sure much better. But the whole point of awakening to enlightened awareness is to transcend the ego completely, at least temporarily. So the point I wanted to make through this provocative title of transcending the witness is that um the witness is and of itself not necessarily the solution to ignorance. Because it's the part of because what as I've been saying because what often happens what usually happens is that the part of us that's doing the witnessing is is the very same part of us that's keeping us in spiritual prison, you know, in our prison cell. And we'll find we will find ourselves to ourselves if we approach this in the right way. Um I didn't really understand this myself until I met my beloved guru in 1986 and he helped me to understand what the difference was between my true self and my ego. And of course he explained it to me in words, but it's more of the quality and the vibration, spiritual vibration of his physical presence is his physical presence contained a metaphysical presence. And being in the presence of his metaphysical presence had a profound effect on my soul. So suddenly I found that as a result of spending time in his company and this was a this attitude of inquiry and investigation I started as I started to awaken miraculously, mysteriously, effortlessly, instantaneously. And then I started having different kinds of experiences. Specifically was it was this experience again and again of entering into higher state of consciousness, waking up, feeling like I was waking up from a dream, from a deep sleep. And I kind of had to I had this repeated experience of I would recognize that I had been paying attention the whole time, but I hadn't aware of it. Which meant that my true self, not my ego, had been paying attention the whole time. I simply hadn't been aware of it. So, which meant there was a part of me that I was usually unaware of, that I'm calling my true self, that had been paying attention, that I hadn't been aware of. Inge? Inge? Is your woman named Inge? You have your camera in front of your hand, and then you're moving your hand and it's just distracting my attention. Thank you. Thank you very much. I appreciate that. Thank you. So, I had this experience of uh waking up within my own consciousness again and again as a result of my spirit, my guru's effect on me. And every time I was waking up, I'd realize that I had been paying attention the whole time, but I hadn't been aware of it. Which meant, I came to find, that was that my true self was always paying attention, effortlessly, naturally, spontaneously, and perfectly. My My true self, I came to realize and I came to understand was always paying attention. My true self always knew what was going on, even though I, as my ego, continued to lose the plot, but I realized that experiences that there part of me was always awake, was always paying attention, was always witnessing everything. But that wasn't my ego. So, if what I'm saying is true, and it is true, because it's my experience, I realized hey, we have to make a decision about who do we want to be? Who do we Who do we Who do we Who do we Who do we want to be? And this is part of what I wanted to talk about tonight. So, there's a great mystery to how all this works and um I wanted to make a distinction in terms of our spiritual practice and our spiritual aspirations. I wanted to make a distinction with all of you for the sake of the discussion tonight between seeking for understanding, seeking to want to understand how things work what the nature of consciousness is, what the nature of the mind is and wanting to be radically, unconditionally irrevocably liberated. So, once again, I wanted to make a distinction tonight with all of you between just for the sake of this discussion that we're having between seeking for spiritually between seeking for understanding, I want to understand how things work, I want to understand the nature of the mind I want to understand the nature of consciousness, I want to understand the nature of liberation between seeking for understanding and seeking directly for liberation itself. Because liberation as I experience it is not more a state of consciousness than it is a psychological, intellectual, or physical, philosophical, or metaphysical understanding. It's more of a state, it's an experience, it's a feeling, it's a knowing. It's not a intellectual, philosophical, metaphysical understanding, but it's a direct gnosis. It's a it's a it's a radical state of consciousness that in which we experience what's called inherent freedom. And I'm sure you've all heard this before with the word is it's it's inherent freedom because the experience of inherent freedom means when you experience the kind of radical freedom I'm describing it becomes obvious to you that you have always been free. As your true self as your liberated true self, you have always been liberated. You've always been free. You just lost touch with this truth. It is this kind of experience is always kind of a feeling of remembrance. Of remembering who you really are. This is one of the remarkable remarkable qualities about the state of freedom, the state of liberation, is that it's inherent. So, it's primordial. It's always been there. And to the frontal self, to the ego, to the frontal self, this is very confusing. They say, "What do you mean you've always been there? I've been here too. When I didn't saw you before." And this is part of the paradox of enlightenment. That's why it's so confusing because when when most people wake up even if it's for short periods of time there's almost always this quality of remembrance. Oh, I remember this. And I seem to have forgotten it. I really did forget, but now I'm remembering. So, this freedom of enlightened awareness is profound, the profound freedom of enlightened awareness is inherent. Which means it's permanently abiding. It never It never doesn't come or doesn't go. It's it's static and it's constant. And when you wake up to it, it's obvious. It's always been there. And when you're asleep to it, but most of us are asleep, because as you all already know, we're living in the through the We're seeing the world through the lens of the small self, the ego. We just we we forget about it. And even worse, and even worse, I find this very painful to say, often people wake up to enlightened awareness. They have a brief experience of waking up, which they usually describe in very dramatic terms. This is the most important thing I've ever known. This is the most important experience I've ever had in my life. Now I'm fully alive. Et cetera. And then nine times out of 10, they'll forget. They'll fall back asleep, and then they'll forget. And then we say, "Do you remember what happened the other day?" They can hardly remember. So, enlightened awareness is a great mystery because it's when you're awake to enlightened awareness, it's beyond obvious and completely overwhelming. Ever-present, but when you lose touch with it, it seems to be nowhere to be found. It's like you're playing hide and seek. So, the the ego can't see it. The ego can't see the true self. And that's why it's so difficult. So, all of this being mindful, practicing being mindful, which is important, it's always a good idea, but you have to make sure who which part of yourself you're being mindful with. If you're being mindful with the ego, it's not going to help you to get enlightened. It might help you to be more profoundly aware of the your moment-to-moment experience, but it won't help you wake up to your true self. The first time the first time I had this kind of flash of awakening was uh in the year about is it 1985 or so and it I was living in India. Where I live now. And I was on a bed of beach in the Bay of Bengal and I I I would have a little bungalow. So I decided that night to step all night meditate through the night on the roof. Listen to the ocean. I said I'm not going to go to sleep I'm going to step all night and meditate which is what I did. I would sit for a few hours then I'd take a break and smoke an Indian cigarette or two and then go back to meditating. And I sit up all night. I was very diligent. I didn't take any rest or breaks. Nothing happened. It was kind of an uh ordinary evening. Nothing big happened. Nothing extraordinary or profound happened and I was a little disappointed. After putting in all that effort but uh at about 5:30 or 6:00 I decided to go for a walk on the beach and when I went for a walk on the beach I had a flash. It was very startling. I had a flash of awakening and I saw as plain as day as clearly as I can see this computer screen in front of my face that what I was looking for was nearer than near. It was right right here. It was just I could barely I could almost touch it. I could see it. I could taste it. I could smell it. It was right here at the miracle of enlightenment that I've been looking for with so much intensity for so many years was just just around the corner. And I could see this very clearly. I had no doubt about it. It was so exhilarating, so exciting. I could I could it was almost almost there. I was almost there and it was uh strange kind of metaphysical perception. And I knew I was closer than close. And that was when my ego temporarily dropped for a few minutes and I saw the truth. And my true self was near at hand. It was all I don't know what wasn't far away. And this stuff is very subtle because a lot of people are doing a lot of do all kinds of spiritual practices. But if they don't understand this metaphysical mystery, they can spend years barking up the wrong tree and never quite getting there. Working away, working away, working away. Doing this kind of practice and that kind of practice, but the doors of perception never really open in a permanent way. What's the goal here is to is is to a permanent attainment to happen to to to as the Buddha said to arrive on the on the on the on the on the shore. To arrive. And take a permanent residence in the heavenly realm called Nirvana. Times of life with us now. So, So, what I want to I want to talk about this distinction between seeking for understanding and seeking for liberation. I I want to talk a little bit about the whole issue of letting go of the mind and the experience of transcendence that it gives rise to. And how delicate this all really is. So, once when I was with my guru, he was lying on his bed and I was sitting in the room and he said his his his guru was Ramana Maharshi and he told me that Ramana Maharshi taught him how to meditate. And I said, "How did he do that?" And he said he said I watched him. And he looked at me and he I looked at him and he he started imitating the the the expression that Ramana had on his face and he was he was pointing out to me that Ramana seemed to be focusing on a place or a space that exists between here and there. In In other words, you'd find this this mysterious place that exists between between here and there. If you for example were looking at me and I was looking at you and we focused on that that's the space that existed between us. There was a perfect middle spot between me and you. If you would look at me, you wouldn't look be looking at me, but you'd look at the space that existed between us. So he said, "This is this is this is where you should concentrate. This is where you should place your attention between here and there. Don't focus on any object. Focus on that space that exists between all objects. Focus on the space that exists between all objects. Don't focus on any object. And this is for a lot of people this is very hard to do because for most people focusing having an object of concentration for meditation for example people find it much easier. You know, it's focus on the breath or focus on the body or focus on uh an idea or focus on a mantra or focus on something. And so what he was what he was telling me was if you wanted to experience liberation you have to learn how to focus on nothing. Pay attention, keep your eyes open. But pay attention to no thing which includes everything. That's why often when I'm teaching people leading meditations I often tell people to see everything and focus on nothing. So the mystery the mystery the mystery of the freedom of the enlightened awareness the experience of the freedom of the enlightened awareness exists in that space between objects. And so I mean just in that mysterious infinite space that exists between objects. So if we're seeking for liberation more than we're seeking for understanding or a particular kind of understanding or an answer to a question but seeking for liberation directly we want to seek for that liberation in that in that infinite space that exists between all objects. Now that space that I'm talking about has no location. It's It's It's between all things. It exists everywhere and nowhere and exists between all things. It's everywhere and nowhere at the same time. We want to learn how to try and put our attention everywhere and nowhere at the same time which is not an easy thing to do if you're not in the habit of doing it. Cuz we're used to concentrating on this and concentrating on that and focusing on this and focusing on that. You hear what I'm saying? See everything and nothing at the at the same time. Now if we're serious about the liberation project which very few people actually are but if you're serious about the liberation project we have to really want it. We have to really want it, which means we have to be willing to take a big leap beyond the known, beyond the mind. Beyond the narrative of our of our understanding of the world as it appears to us and as we have experienced it. I often refer to it as like jumping like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute. So, learning how to let go of the mind in a serious way has has huge existential implications. Cuz it's going from something to nothing. Not just conceptually, but metaphysically and existentially and very personally taking a leap. And it's a leap that we have to be ready for and I try to help people prepare for the sleep, but encourage people to come to contemplate the nature of how much they actually want it. How much do they want to be free? How much do they really want to let go of the mind? How much do they want to let go of their unhappiness? And the reason we're unhappy is not because we merely because we've been traumatized or abused or misunderstood. It's because we want the wrong things. So, from a spiritually enlightened perspective, wanting the right thing means wanting to be free, wanting freedom, wanting liberation. First and foremost. And liberation as I understand it, the real thing is unconditional. The real thing is without conditions. It's absolutely without conditions. It's a huge leap. And the as a And as you all already know, the ego, the small self, the unenlightened self, the little dictator that rules our body, mind, and personality, the little inner dict- inner inner Mussolini, inner Hitler. Uh has a big agenda, has lots of plans, and has a particular relationship to history and to the future. And most of us unconsciously are trapped in the world that the little inner dictator creates. But of course, for most of us, it's the only world that we know. It's the only world that we know. We don't know any other world, so it feels like home. Which is really when you wake up, you realize it was been hell all the whole time. The world that you thought was home was actually hell the whole time. You didn't even know it. But um most of us prefer that which is familiar, even if it's painful, than we would choose that which is truly unknown and the leap beyond the mind, the leap out of the world that the little dictator rules is both infinite and unknown at the same time. It's infinite and unknown unknown at the same time, so the If you get serious about the spiritual path and about awakening to enlightened awareness, you become interested in more than just having brief glimpses of enlightenment, but you want to actually live there. You want to That's the place you want to take up residence. You want to leap beyond the mind, leap into that space that exists between all objects, between all thoughts. And you want to stay there. If you want to take that leap beyond the mind, that's that space between all objects and thoughts. You have to be willing to let go of the world that the ego, or the little inner dictator, has created. It's made for itself. And that's a huge project, a huge leap. It's very exciting if you want to be free, but if you know if you don't if you're not sure you want to be free, it's very terrifying. Um And this relates very much to it's just very relates very much to how we think about spiritual development as a whole because um these days in the whole world of psycho-spiritual development, there's a lot of emphasis on spiritual psychotherapy around really understanding our psychological wounds. Trying to come to a deep understanding of psychological wounds and trying to make friends with our soul and our self our small self and going through the process of learning how to accept ourselves, our small selves, and forgive ourselves and forgive other people and have compassion for ourselves and other people and do a lot of hard emotional work that's necessary to become a kind and decent human being. And we And those that's all good stuff. But I'm talking about something different. I'm talking about something something that's based upon an experience of unconditional freedom. And the thing about the unconditional freedom of enlightened awareness is that it's it's ahistorical. This is why it's so dangerous, and I mean that honestly and literally. It's ahistorical. It doesn't exist in time. And therefore the primordial freedom of enlightened awareness has no relationship to your personal history or to my personal history. It's a parallel line. But there's no relationship between your personal history or my personal history and the unconditional nature of enlightened awareness. And it is unimaginable liberation. So, because it's it's so powerful because it's a historical, because there's nothing to do with time or history. There's no relationship with time or history in your time in your history or my history. That's why it's so powerful and why it's so dangerous because it can people can literally get unhinged by the profundity of the power of spiritual freedom if they're not among spiritually mature or prepared for it because it's so because it's a historical. And I I do I've come to believe that one needs to be quite a mature, reasonably mature, strong, grounded person to be able to withstand the intensity of this a historical world space without being completely over- overwhelmed and undone by. But but if we can bear it, if if we want to be free nothing nothing nothing in this world can even begin to compare to it. Because it's because because it is a it's a freedom that's absolute it's an absolute freedom. I know I'm just repeating these words cuz I don't know what else to say, but it's a freedom that's a it's it's a historical. It has nothing to do with history. It exists outside time, beyond time. And if you really go deep into this this world space, the most important part of you, a big part of you, starts living in a world space that exists outside of time and outside of history. Even though you look like an ordinary person with a body, mind, and personality, and relative history and all that, you walk and talk like you maybe always have, but the deepest part of you, your soul, is living beyond time. It It isn't here anymore. Living in a different world space. And that world space is beyond compare. It's magical and eternal and infinite and ever present and unchanging and inconceivably liberating, eternally liberating again and again and again and again and again and again and again. Overwhelming. Now, with this kind of the world space of the state of liberation I'm describing, in order to be able to swim deeply in these waters, you have to really let go of small self, which very few people do. Very few people do. Very few people manage to do it. Very few people want to do it. A lot of us would much rather be busy with working on our personal story for days, weeks, months, years, decades, and lifetimes on end. Never get bored. Never get bored. So, and I was thinking I was thinking about this today as I was thinking about it. I was going to give this talk tonight. That it really is possible to transcend karma. To go beyond karma. And that's a quite a big statement. Very few people ever do. Because if you really let go radically and unconditionally of the story of your small self and take this unbelievably big risk to go. To really let go. To really let go completely. Your relationship to the story of your small self might disappear altogether. The karmic nature of your connection to your old self might be gone. Which does happen once in a rare while to a very rarely awakened human beings. Sometimes they're they're their their conscious and unconscious attachments, connections to their former self, ego, small self have been burned. Burned away. Burned beyond recognition. They're gone. Which could be a bad thing. Could be a great thing. Let's say someone was a murderer or a rapist. I'm just trying to be provocative here. So, don't take this the wrong way. But let's say you've done terrible things. And then you've gone through a spiritual process that was so deep that you let go of you did you let go of the self that had done those terrible things. So, the sense of any kind of attachment or identification with the The that did those terrible things was gone. He or she was dead. So it would be very difficult for you to take responsibility for what you had done because the part of you that had lived the self that had done all those things didn't exist anymore. So in terms of the in terms of the our shared moral agreements about what you about uh ethics and things like that in relation to ordinary culture. This could seem like uh maybe some kind of bizarre demonic attainment, but in fact it's not necessarily the case. I remember a story that a good friend of mine told me about Ramana Maharshi and I think it's the story goes something like a man had done had sexually abused a woman. I don't exactly remember what the story was, but he had sexually abused her and he felt very guilty and ashamed of what he'd done. And apparently Ramana told him just don't think about it anymore. Now I remember in my younger days when I was a little bit more arrogant than I am now, a little bit less had less understanding of the complexity of human nature. I thought oh that's a terrible thing he told him. But I but I in relating but now I can understand why he said that to him because he said let it go. Not as a way to avoid his guilt or his or his need to take responsibility for what he'd done, but it was a way to free himself from the the karma of his own worst tendencies. This is pretty esoteric stuff I understand, but it's just I want I want all of you to think about what it would be like to be you. What would it be like to be you? Being utterly and inconceivably and absolutely free from your history and your identification with your ego. Just try to think about it. It's a hard thing to think It's a very hard thing to think of conceptually. It's a hard thing to imagine, but as one can become so utterly consumed by the state of enlightened awareness and its inherent freedom that one literally enters into a different modality of existence, a different mode of being, a different relationship to life that is utterly utterly and radically and totally unconventional because it's based upon the inherent liberation of the inherently liberated nature of consciousness itself. So, it's a state beyond convention, beyond shared agreements, and beyond convention because it's a state of freedom itself. Freedom beyond all relationships, freedom beyond relationship. Freedom beyond good and bad, right and wrong. It's way out there. It's It's It's dangerous territory, and I think it's territory that most of us aren't really quite yet prepared for, but it's something It's just something to think about because um a lot of us when we If we If we pursue spiritual practice and begin to taste these higher states of consciousness, we begin to want to pursue them. We we usually most people find that they want to be free, and they want to experience inner freedom, but they don't want to be free as much as they thought they did. Cuz they're not willing to let go of the small self and its karmic stories and all the burdens related to it and all the feelings of attachment and self-importance of your story and this story and my story. Because from the perspective of this a-historical freedom, none of it makes a damn bit of difference. It's completely irrelevant. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. Means nothing. And as long as we identify with the small self, we're not going to be ready to let go because our the the pride and the our self-importance of the small self will not tolerate being extinguished. I mean needing to dissolve and become irrelevant. But just try to imagine, just for the fun of it, for the spiritual fun of it, the the exhilaration of the freedom I'm describing is unimaginable. Because remember, it's in it's in it's inherent. It's inherently liberate It's inherently It's inherently our condition of freedom, so when you feel that kind of feeling of liberation, you don't want any any any form of attachment to hold you back. Why would you? For what? For what and for who? For for what and for who and for why? Doesn't make sense anymore. This is why I encourage people to meditate on the space that exists between objects. And I know most of you understand what all these things I'm saying, but you only really understand it when you have the experience I'm talking about. And then you go, "Oh, now I understand why he's saying these things." Because this is this is very serious. This is very real. The freedom, the intensity the unimaginable intensity blazing glory of this freedom I'm speaking about is real. And it cares it cares it cares nothing for my story. It cares nothing for my story. It cares nothing for my story. It cares nothing for my story. So, if that this if this unconditional freedom ecstatic freedom cares nothing for your story, what are you going to do? Hold on to the story? You give up the chance to be free? Unconditionally free? Or surrender to the gift of unconditional freedom and let go of the story? Kind of boils down to a choice like that in the end for all of us. For all of us. Now, the the good news is that that the good news is that for the few people who make it to the other shore and say yes I'll take the freedom, sir. Thank you. I'm perfectly happy to let go of the the uh little inner dictator. Thank you very much. Goodbye. When we when we awaken that deeply and that profoundly to the inner freedom I'm speaking about, we end up being a blessing to this world in misery. Those people that are free, unconditionally free, radiating with the freedom of enlightened awareness are a blessing. Because other people can feel their liberation, their intoxicating joy and spiritual self-confidence is like a attractor. They bring the light of the spirit of the absolute into this world in darkness. So, then if for those few people that can really let go as much as they unconditionally, absolutely, completely in the way I'm describing, they become a gift to the world. Not that they not that they not that they let go in order to become a gift to the world, but that seems to be the result in almost every case. Because that kind of the witnessing that kind of freedom and experiencing that kind of freedom in the awakened body, mind, and personality, and soul of another is so incredibly spiritually inspiring and compelling. Most of us don't believe enlightenment exists unless you actually bear witness to to someone who's actually it's happened to. Then you go, "Oh my god, I had no idea it's real. What am I going to do about that? Now I can't keep pushing it away. I have to deal with it." What am I going to do now? I can't forget. So, you see when we let go of the witness, you just if you go through this process just as I'm speaking to you about it with with your your own mind, you can see be be in the witness for a moment. Think about the Think about the witness of being in in your own witnessing awareness. Be in your own witnessing awareness and then after you've done that for a minute or two, let go of the witness. Where are you? Everywhere and nowhere. A different ballgame. And when when you when you're choosing to take the position of the witness, you feel like you're in control and being responsible in a certain way. And when you let go, like letting go of the steering wheel, then you're in God's hands. From then on, if you have a pure heart, just a add a few things before I finish. Um Just a few finishing touches on this that um In our pursuit for self-understanding our pursuit of self-understanding, in our genuine pursuit of self-understanding and we really want to understand why we're such a mess, why we're so lost and confused. Want to come to terms with our story. Want to understand our story. How did I end up like this? Come to terms with our woundedness and our what Eckhart Tolle calls our pain body. Just remember as my guru told me, he said, "Remember, Andrew, as I think he said the Buddha said this. As nirvana has no beginning and no end, so also the samsara has no beginning and no end. So, at a certain point, It should become obvious that you're never going to be able to figure it all out. You'll never be able to figure yourself out. You'll never be able to truly understand yourself completely. As much as as much therapy and spiritual work as you do, you'll you won't We all we we will till the end remain mysteries to ourselves. I was listening to a talk yesterday and the fellow who was talking made made a statement that the only way we the only times we actually are able to recognize ourselves and see ourselves is when we're in conversation with people we trust. So, from a from a very personal vantage point, we're always going to remain we're always going to remain mysteries to ourselves. You'll never be able to figure it all out, you'll never be able to work it all out. You'll never be able to figure it all out, you'll never be able to work it all out. So, therefore, the sooner this dawn the sooner we get this message the sooner this dawns on us, I'm never going to be able to figure it all out, I'm never going to be able to work it all out, then then this is when it becomes time to think, "Well, maybe I should just let all the whole the whole thing." What a nice idea. I don't have to figure it all out anymore. I don't have to work it all out. All I have to do now is learn how to let go. Big time. I have to become an expert in letting go. Oh, that's what enlightenment is all about. Oh, that's what that's what the enlighten that's what the Buddha was doing. Aha, this is a different path. It's not about self-understanding, it's about self-transcendence, folks. Not about self-understanding, but about self-transcendence. And when you get when you really get more deeply into this, you start thinking in terms of life cycles and cycles of time. You start to you start to see this whole spiritual process of the urge for self for transcendence and self transcendence. It's something that is is a is a process that we probably been engaged with for a long, long time, for many lifetimes. Or so it appears. So, it's kind of like kind of like being on a local train and pulling into the station and the express train pulls up on the other side of the platform and you say you want to get out of the local and get on the express and leave that whole world behind, the whole world of living that local train. And the infinite amount of time it's going to take to get to that destination, just say forget it, I'm finished with that. No, without having completed all the tasks you thought you needed to complete before you could make such a leap like that. You just say I'm finished with this that old life. And I'm interested in being free unconditionally, radically, absolutely, totally, once and once and for all and forever. Starting now, so I'm going for that express train. But then if you get into the express train, you have to pay the price, which is the which is the genuine willingness to let go of the past without conditions. Without having things on your own terms anymore in relation to all of that. Now you're living a different life. So, I'm just speaking about that in going to the witness, so he's speaking about difference between seeking for understanding and seeking for liberation. And he's speaking about instead of focusing attention on objects and things and we had to focus our attention on an infinite space that exists between all things. I was speaking about either realizing or remembering, depending on who you are, realizing or remembering that spiritual freedom, the freedom of enlightened awareness is inherently a historical. The freedom of enlightened awareness, the lived the palpable liberation of enlightened awareness the feeling of liberation, the knowing of liberation, the experience of liberation is a state of consciousness that exists outside history and time. It's a historical. It has nothing to do with your personal life. Nothing to do with the life of your ego. It has nothing to do with it. It has nothing to do with it. It has nothing to do with it. It has absolutely nothing to do with it. Remember that. And finally, as I was just saying, I firmly believe that we don't have to work it all out. Because I believe that working it out is an infinite process and if you we could stay busy you could stay busy working it out for 10 years 20 years 30 years, 40 years, 50 years couple of lifetimes or more. You never get to the end of it. I'm not saying that you won't get more informed about your small self, which is always a good idea, but I'm just saying at a certain point it's enough is enough is there. Once you get the Once you get the general idea, this is how I want to This is how this is not happening. Oh, okay, I'm on the wrong train. So, then knowing that it's possible to get to a point when when we don't have to work it out anymore, we can just let go. If we have the If If we're integrated at the level of the self enough to be able to do it if you're if you're at the level of the soul and at the level of the psychological self, if you're if you're if you're a fractured person, if you are deeply damaged and divided, what I'm describing here is not for you. You need to put yourself get yourself together first and heal your cultivate a measure of healing first and wholeness before you can take the radical leap I'm describing. So, what I'm describing is certainly not for everybody, but um but it is what it is. The existence is on category of spiritual aspiration. It's important that you we do spiritual practice always within the context of the realization of the immediacy of enlightened awareness. We always want to do our spiritual practice in the context of our awareness of the immediacy of enlightened awareness. And finally, before I finish as I often like to repeat, the most extraordinary everything about enlightened awareness is is that it's ever new. It's the only state of consciousness is this the only experience you can have in the in the in a human life that literally is ever new. Which means it's always like the first time. Always like the first time. It never gets old. It's ever new because it exists beyond time. And there's nothing else that compares to it. If anybody has any questions, I'll be happy to try and answer them. If you have any questions, please write them in the chat box at the bottom of your Zoom window. And I will read them out loud. So that was the first question Andrew from Janice. Okay. She is asking, "Why do we fall back to sleep? Are we unable to withstand the state of being as you said? It is painful to fall asleep over and over again." I agree, it's terrible. It's really terrible. It's absolutely horrible. But I think it's the momentum of unconsciousness is from from one way we can understand that Janice is the it's the karmic momentum. It's the karmic habits. Tendency towards ignorance and egoic identification and small small-mindedness and being culturally conditioned by different values. All kinds of reasons. It's the momentum of karma. Um I would say it's easy to wake up, it's hard to very hard to stay awake. So if you can create the right conditions you can see a lot of people can wake up for a few minutes or a few hours. But then inevitably most people fall back to sleep if they're outside of those perfect conditions. Most people forget pretty quickly and fall back into a less than enlightened state of consciousness pretty quickly. That's why I believe we need everyone we get serious about it we have to make a decision to live the spiritual life in earnest. Make a decision to live the spiritual life in earnest. And live our life in such a way that our pursuit of the goal of liberation have become a personal and metaphysical priority for us. So if you organize your life around your own potential for liberation you'll lose all your friends now. I'm only kidding. If you organize Do you know what If you organize your life around your uh awakening to your potential for liberation, you will be less likely to fall back asleep because you're putting it first on the on the agenda. Just for example, someone says, "Well, I'm going I want to I want to win the gold medal at the Olympics in uh you know, what in whatever sport." But someone who wants to live win a gold medal at the Olympics they're going to have to make make winning that gold medal and everything they have to do to win that gold medal a priority if there's any hope for them actually to win a gold medal. So to me awakening the goal is the goal of spiritual enlightenment is like getting it's like winning that gold medal. So if we intend to win a gold medal, we have to be very focused on the medal and uh do all the things that people need to do who want to win that gold medal. And there are a lot of historical exemplars. We have a lot of examples throughout history of people who have that have wanted this more than anything else and really became very one-pointed in their intention. And they organized their life around potential for their liberation. And we can do that also. That's what I did. And I still do it. I still do it. My whole life is organized around around everything that I was speaking about tonight or today, wherever you are. That's why I'm not falling back to sleep. Because I put it first and foremost on my agenda and I've been doing that since I was 22. I'm 69 now. So, I'm still very one-pointed about all this. And what's really you can see you can tell by the way I speak that I'm still very excited about it. Because the thing I'm speaking about is ever new. It's ever new. It always like the first time it's always most exciting, thrilling thing that there is, so I'm as excited about this as I've as I've always been. Around the possibility of liberation, I'm always turned on. Other things they come and go, waxing one like most of us do, but around this issue I'm always 100%. Cuz I know how important it is. And that's what I'm living for, so I'm very interested in that gold medal. I don't mind to say that in public. Yeah, another thing I'd like to remind people is that it's it is helpful if you can if you're not afraid of living your spiritual values and principles on your sleeve. If you're not afraid of transparently living your spiritual values in public, it can be it's very helpful. If you feel you have to keep your spiritual ambitions and spiritual aspirations hidden from other people, have to live a double life because the the world that you live in doesn't accept your own deepest passions and it puts you in a difficult position. Can I give you a next question, Andrew? Sure. From Sydney. I don't have any other plans right now. I'm I'm just I'm just kidding. Very good. From Sydney. He is asking, say something about being actively generative in the world while pursuing enlightenment. Can one enhance the other? Well, I suppose so, sure. If you're a successful, positive person, it gets things done and makes things happen for the better in the world, and you generate goodwill and confidence in other people, and you're also very and you're also pursuing your potential for awakening to enlightened awareness, I'm sure both of those pursuits could could serve each other in a powerful way. Absolutely. You know what inspires people? It's self-confidence. You are in unmuted if you want to respond, Sydney. We We can't you. Are you saying something? It doesn't seem to work. You want to try again? You're on mute now again. No, we can't. I think we have to move on, Andrew. Hello, I have a very bad um internet signal here in Jamaica. Now we can hear you. Yes. Uh my my my my real question is that um I have a and and it it takes to to four cuz Sydney, I'm sorry, but and Sydney, you are breaking up. Uh Sydney Can you hear me? You are breaking up. I will I will put it in the chat. Yes, very good. That's it in the chat. Very good. Thank you. Okay. Uh I give you an an um a different question first, Andrew. Sure. Uh from Rodney. He is asking the feeling that shows up when you speak of enlightened awareness is a shift in identity from the small self to the whole. And identifying as of the whole and concern only for the whole. Is that an authentic feature? Absolutely, yes. 200%. Small self to big self, small world to big world. Small self to big self, small world to big world. Rodney, uh you are Rodney, you are muted. You are aware? You have to press something before you Okay. Can you hear me now? Yes. Yes, I'm sorry. Uh as a retired physician, I've I've always looked for things that are pathognomonic or that point to uh an intended goal uh or uh circumstance that that are signs that I can look for indirectly as yes, this place is the vicinity, the world, the the the the place that I'm searching to appreciate. And and I appreciate your answer because that's uh how it felt so strongly as you spoke about it. Oh yeah, you you hit then you hit the nail on the head. Pardon? You you hit the nail on the head. Oh good. Good. That's that's what I was hoping for. Absolutely. Very very good. Yes. I was thinking. Perfect. Thank you. The next question is from Carolyn. Carolyn is asking, in the case of taking the leap from ego and resting in inherent self which has no relationship to the story of my life, what happens to projects taken up and where choices and decisions have to be made? Will the right action happen and from the higher source? Or will action possibly get neglected? Probably all of the above. Probably all of the above. Probably all of the above. Life being what it is, probably all of the above. Did you get that, Carolyn? I do get that. Yes, but um I suppose I kind of feel that the right action happens and without anxiety about it, will just happen. Or you'll be pointed to what to do and what choices, what decisions. Otherwise, it's rather um uh rather precarious and almost um without responsibility, but Well, you can have what you can be very responsible in all this and uh you can be very responsible and caring but there is a wildness to this energy. And this is this something actually I had wanted to speak more about in the talk but I didn't which is there is a there we have to be That's why I said we have to be careful with how far we go with this because we have if we're going to be ready to let go of our former incarnation we have to be prepared for the consequences. And when you get when you get when you get um intoxicated with the spiritual force with this force of enlightened awareness when you get intoxicated with that energy so many things that you thought were so important are not important are not important to you anymore and you might find that the things you cared so much about that you don't care about at all and that doesn't mean you don't care about life and about other people and about truth. This means you don't care in the same way you used to. And now that other people might not understand it. But remember there's a there's a wildness to this energy. Remember because it's it's a historical so there's a wildness. And this energy will not conform to social conventions. The power of this liberation does not conform to social conventions. This is neither good nor bad it's just the way the way it is. So will will the force of this energy conform to your to all of your ethical principles as you've had as you've held them over the last 10 years? I have no idea probably not. But it's it's bigger than you and it's bigger than me. And we can't force it into a into a small mold. Will would it would would did would Where did it create chaos in our lives? It's possible. But but but but but now we would have no doubt that the nature of the energy itself is is a level of pure positivity that's inconceivable, but it is wild and uh unruly and does not conform to anybody's any any small-minded ideas about what should be. That's for sure. It's kind of like riding a wild horse. Will we get thrown off? Maybe. It just is what it is. Well, that's freedom. It's absolute freedom. Very good. It's It is absolute freedom. But since it's freedom that the small self just cannot understand or even come to terms with. Well, in freedom, there would be no real any longer importance or clutching given to the previous um endeavors as much as they may have been. They may have They may have They may have They may have They may not have. Yes, exactly. Well, if there isn't a clutching, then it won't it won't matter. Exactly. It won't matter anymore. Cuz you cuz at that that point you know you're not to do it anyway. It's scary and exciting. Exactly. There you got it right. Very good, Caroline. I've never heard you talk quite like this. Very good for you. Very scary, very exciting, and very liberating. Thank you. Thank you, Caroline. And who Sydney, uh, who whom we couldn't hear before has written the question now, and I'm reading it. He says, "I have ADHD and it is challenging meditating for periods over 20 minutes. How can I seek enlightenment with that issue?" Instead of sitting for an hour, you sit three times for 20 minutes. You can sit sit for 20 minutes, then take a break. Then come back and sit for another 20 minutes and take a break, then get up and then sit for another 20 minutes and then take a break. Main thing is this, uh, Sydney, don't worry about it. Don't allow your mind or your ego to say to to come up with some some reason why you can't do this. That's the point. Remember, Sydney, the ego is never interested in enlightenment. And a lot of people in their seeking, un- unknowingly, give up the give up their sovereignty to their ego. And then their ego starts directing the traffic. Cuz the ego doesn't want to be free anyway, so don't listen to what the ego says don't never listen to what the ego says is possible or not possible in this domain. Cuz the ego ego could never know what's possible or not possible in this domain. You can disregard what your ego says and if you have trouble sitting for long periods of time, you can train yourself to eventually over period of time learn how to do it. And but you have to One thing is this, Sydney, we all have to believe in ourselves. You have to believe in ourselves. You have to believe in yourself and you can do this. We all have to believe in our own capacity for higher development. So, we have to have faith in ourselves and faith in our own capacity for change. And that takes a lot of faith. We need faith and trust in ourselves to have faith in and trust in God and faith and trust in ourselves. A lot. Cuz the mind's always going to be telling you how how things are. And that's most of the time the mind's not to be trusted, especially when it's coming from the ego. Don't believe what the ego tells you about yourself. The next question is from Stefan. Hello, Andrew. Thank you for your heart warming talk. Would it be right to see the immediacy of the transcendent reality as being here now? And that this is sometimes there and sometimes in the background? And that wanting more the here and now less more and more. Yes, definitely. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. 200% yes. Yes, so so yeah. Uh um Uh even even in the in the in the moment that is not completely here and now, you know that it's there and it makes it like compelling or like almost like destructive to let go. Absolutely. I'm doing correct. Mhm. Correct. And it's not it's not the something it seems seems not not being something to uh actually uh Yeah. It's so different than than than the calculating. Remember stuff in the story I always thought my guru said to me, "I'm so glad you found a friend you'll never be able to see." Yeah. I'm so glad you found a friend you'll never be able to see. Yeah, it's it's helping friends also. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad you found a friend you'll never be able to see. It's like the last question and then Thank you everybody. Thank you very much. Really appreciate being with everybody. Good night. Thank you.