Andrew Cohen: What Is Ego

hi um my mom uh keeps telling me that in some way ego is important for um um well I guess she means survival but um she says to live on so she said what she says to live on or to to kind of get get a life which is not um uh poor and disappointing and depressing right so that's good so the thing is there's a lot of confusion about the word ego because the word it means different things to different people so your your mother probably probably means uh you know uh self-confidence a strong sense of self a strong character belief in yourself right yeah I guess huh yeah so she's right she's right so so is a strong character and uh and um self-confidence is is it ego or is it isn't no not at all not at all that the when when I'm talking about the ego here I'm speaking about a very a very uh specific expression of ego which is the which is which is narcissism have you familiar with the word narcissism Dan um no I don't think so so narcissist is someone who is more is it is is always admiring their own reflection in the mirror of their own mind right see my point yeah so that would mean like for example if it was you it means you would just be adoring you see and in love with your own image the own image that you have of yourself in the mirror of your own mind and your relationship to life would would would uh would be based upon um fulfilling the desires of that image that you see in the mirror okay right right so a narcissist is someone who's in love with themselves and they're more in love with themselves than they are with anyone else than they are with life and then they are or or they are with God or truth okay can you see that as being maybe problematic for for an individual who wants to evolve Beyond ego who wants to become one with the with God and the authentic self yes yeah because they're more because they're more in love with their own image and they more invested in their own image than they are in God or truth right yeah so that means so that means their relationship to life therefore is going to be an expression and a manifestation of the fears and desires of their narcissistic self- infatuation their whole life is going to be uh an expression and manifestation of that not of The evolutionary impulses we've been in the way we've been talking about it you see my point yeah okay so the reason why ego is a problem here is because um uh is because the the this narcissistic self- infatuation uh um takes us in a completely different direction than the direction we've been speaking about all week but so so when I'm referring to Ego here I'm not referring to what your mother's referring to I'm referring to this you know this the irrational need to see the self as being separate the irrational need to um so so whenever so the ego is is is this is this impulse that motivates children and adults to kind of do things and to strive in ways to so the self can see itself as being separate and Superior or even in some cases inferior to the others but always some way to someone always some way to see ourself is standing apart from right so in in in eist Consciousness you're aware of everything that's happening but your motive is not to see yourself as being separate right you're aware of yourself you're aware of the other you're aware of the others you're aware of the context but you there's not a strong motive that's driving you to take actions that will uh allow allow yourself to see yourself as being separate and as I was saying yesterday you know some expressions of narcissism or most you know a lot of them are about being able to see yourself as being Superior to other people but some will also be actions that will allow yourself to see you see your oneself as being super inferior a loser some with a special problem but if you even if you speak to a loser or someone with a special problem you'll start to find out that even in their unworthiness they also feel Superior to other people so so this impulse to see the self as being separate from and Superior to is what we're talking about here okay so when I'm talking about ego it's the irrational compulsion to see oneself as being separate what would a human being be like what would we all be like being the person we are right now free from the energetic uh compulsion to see the self as being separate from so when I'm talking about ego that's all I mean I'm not talking about having a a strong and positive sense of self having a quote unquote strong character a belief in yourself or self-confidence is a good thing and that's not necessarily ego in the way that I'm using it at all so I don't disagree with your mother it's just that the the specific definition of ego I'm speaking about is uh is applies directly in relationship to the potential for enlightenment which is which is evolution Beyond egoo